Afternoon Funnies

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

Maria: Here it is!

Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

Class: Maria!


Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

John: You told me to do it without using tables.


Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell "Crocodile?"

Glenn: K R O K O D I A L

Teacher: No, that's incorrect.

Glenn: Maybe it's incorrect, but you asked me how I spell it.


Teacher: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

Clyde: No, teacher, it's the same dog.


Teacher: Now Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

Simon: No, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

Celebrity Deportation

Uh oh, it seems that even celebrity children are not immune to being deported. Oh, the humanity. Someone protest something or burn something!

The Prime Directive

I think I need to put this on my Christmas list:

primeDirective.jpg

If you don't get it, don't worry, you're just not geeky enough. :)

(H/T to VW Bug).

Searching for Chuck Norris

So, you want to Search for Chuck Norris, huh? I don't think you'll find him.

That's funny, right there, I don't care who you are. :)

Nascar and Congress

NascarCongress.jpg

You can't imagine how true this one really is.

Sheriff's Car

I know it's a fake and old, but it's still darn funny:

sheriffCar.jpg

(H/T to Kender).

Afternoon Funny

Courtesy of Dextre Tripp at the Carolina Renaissance Festival:

Q. How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

A. Soak it in lighter fluid and light it up: It will go "woof."


Q. How do you make a dog sound like a cat?

A. Freeze it and put it on a band saw and it will go "merrrrowwwww"

Last Car

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Lincoln, RI. After last call at the Lodge, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off - it was a fine, dry summer night- flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road headed toward 146. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the truly proud driver. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

(From Raven.)

Still INTJ

This is scary accurate:

Click to view my Personality Profile page

I've taken these tests before, and I've ended up INTJ before. Heck, in the blogrolls listings here, there's an INTJ blogroll even. But this page listed a few quotes about the personality of an INTJ -- and they're just dead-on accurate for me. So, for those who want more information about me, here you go:

"To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how."

I'm often told that I'm arrogant and I understand it's self-confidence. And if you want help in areas where I'm good, I do know right away whether I can help you or if you should head somewhere else. Working in computers, I get lots and lots of questions all the time that I respond to very quickly.

"INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency. "

I can't count how many times people have told me that I'm a good leader -- despite how much I really don't WANT to be a leader. And this is why I am often asked and told to get more into politics -- because despite me not wanting to be an elected official, people see that I would be very good at it.

Found at Raven's who found it at Kat's.

Prohibited Dying

This looks like something that might be found on a government building.

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Government Working Hours

I think these are the hours posted for the North Carolina DMV offices...

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Cart Crash

This is what "free range carts" are capable of:

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Underwear Ad

So, doesn't this just make you want to run out and buy a pair of these?

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And The Cat Came Back

For those who are new visitors to Ogre's Politics and Views, welcome to Friday! The schedule here is pretty standard -- in the mornings there's posts about North Carolina State government. In the late mornings and early afternoons, commentary about national politics or other issues. In the later afternoons, something a little lighter.

Then, on Fridays, we start with the silliness a bit earlier. If you've had a bad week, hopefully I can make you smile. So without further delay, The Cat Came Back (with more general sillines coming later this afternoon):

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that bum on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"

SUV Sign

I just found out from an insider that when you buy a big SUV, they give you special glasses. Those glasses enable only SUV drivers to see special signs like this one:

suvsign.jpg