*** Breaking news ***

Baghdad, Iraq -- Just days before the anniversary of the September 11th attack on America, 26,074,000 people did not die in Iraq. Reporters on the ground surveyed the area, looked all over the country, but can now report that over 26 million people were not killed and are still alive.

In apparently unrelated news, over 29 million were not killed or attacked by terrorists in Afghanistan and over 295 million were still alive in America. U.S. Military officials offered no explaination as to why so many people were still alive after all the news reports about deaths, bombs, and unrest.

An unnamed citizen, when interviewed, said, "I don't know, I'm just headed off to go to work."