Site Meter Ogre's Politics & Views: Democrat Code of Conduct, Part 2

Earlier today, we tried to present a preview of the Democrat ethics strategy for the 2006 elections. The crackstaff is still not awake, so we're left to just throw out baseless accusations and conjecture. But hey, that's fun, so let's give it a shot!

Whenever someone comes out with something new, there's two questions to be asked immediately: "Why is this being done?" and "Why hasn't it been done before?" In this case, the answers are really easy.

Why are the Democrats doing this? To win an election -- plain and simple, nothing more. And yet, the idea of having ethics just to win an election doesn't seem to bother anyone...

Why hasn't it been done before? Well, it's never been tried before. This is a new concept in this century. It's an idea that really hasn't been tried since, oh about 1800 or so -- the idea that a politician might actually HAVE ethics.

Since this is about politicians, and we don't want to shock their fragile systems and egos, we shouldn't really hit them hard. Instead, we should start with small, baby steps, until they get used to the idea. Keeping all that in mind, here's a few suggestions for the Democrats who suddenly want ethics:

1. If someone dies while in your personal automobile and you were driving, do not run and hide in a motel room.

I know this one should be really obvious, but remember what we're dealing with. I think this one really is non-negotiable and really needs to be on the Democrat Party's list.

2. Tell the truth.

Again, this one is really obvious to anyone over the age of 3 that isn't either a lawyer or a politician, but it really is the basics of ethics. If you skip this one, there's really nowhere else to go with this whole idea. I know for many politicians, this will be nearly impossible.

So many have been telling so many lies for so long, it may feel funny inside to actually tell the truth. My advice to them? Keep with it -- the funny feeling will go away. Try it, you might like it.

3. Forget the phrase "neither confirm nor deny."

As soon as those words come out of your mouth, everyone knows you're guilty. Really. Nothing else you say after that really means anything, because you're done for. When you think of uttering this phrase, think of rule #2.

4. Remember: Bush is not the anti Christ.

Democrats, think about this -- a large number of people actually voted for Bush, no matter what you think. A VERY large number. He's the head of this country. Just opposing him because he takes a position makes you look even more foolish than you already are. Give it a break, it just doesn't work.

5. Be yourself.

Closely related to #2 above. If you have a position on something, just tell people what that position is -- no matter what it is. Millions of people will respect you, even if that position is that you think everyone with pinky fingers longer than 2.5 inches should have to pay higher taxes -- at least you'll HAVE a position!

Well, that's 5 rules, and that's enough for people who simply have no ethics now. Try not to hurt yourselves putting them into place.

(An Alliance precision-guided humor assignment).

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